Dilemma feat. Kelly Rowland

Shushy. That was me today - quieter than a mouse-mime. I don't know what was with me today, normally I'm Mr Chatty - don't know if you've ever met him, jolly nice chap. Back to me. Well, it was scheduled for noon for our department to go to the Wheatsheaf (formerly known as the Rose & Crown - ooh, an ampersand!) for a meal to celebrate Yvonne's birthday and Sandra's leaving to have a sprog. It's quite nice in there now, it's very light and airy. So we sat down, and I was sad, as my good pal Val wasn't there - hope she gets better very soon, but doesn't tell work so she can have much more deserved rest! Anyway, with a pint in hand I choose the curry and rice, when who should I spy behind the bar? None other than Ricky, an old school friend! We gets a chatting, but it's cut short by cheeky customers who wanted serving. After a problem with my order (surprise surprise) and my eating a mixed grill and chatting to Dave, Paul and Marie, I go back and have a long long natter with Ricky. He's been to see Belinda Carlisle A LOT more times since we last spoke, and apparently she was a right little Madame on one occasion! I would've slapped her!

We also talked at great length about friends and school. I've had discussion about this with many of my friends - it's unbelievable how many people from our old school are gay. Seriously - something must've been in the drinks from the canteen, they're everywhere now. It's almost blasé when you find out about someone new!

Ended up getting back to work 5 minutes later than everyone else, but Yvonne said it was okay - it'll come out of my flexi time anyway. I can't believe that Dave went over for his massage - thankfully the masseuse wouldn't allow it as he had alcohol in his system. My God, he would have been knocked out! I also found out who he fancies in work - well, from other people, and he tried to deny it, but we know him. Pain in the arse though (pun intended) when they started talking about setting me up with a girl. A wha? Girl? Female of the species? Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Comprendé? Why can't I just tell them I'm gay? Is it so hard (no pun intended)? "Hello colleagues, my name is Graham, and I'm a raving homosexual!" Apparently, it is, for I just sat there and made a nervous laugh. I also cleverly drew attention to someone else, but I still avoided the issue. Shame really - it pisses me off that everyone assumes people are straight, they just don't realise that it gets really annoying for gays and bis to have to constantly 'come out' as it were. If I'd have known it would involve this much work I might not have bothered! They'll find out in time, I'll make it one of my goals for this scheme I'm on - so then, where prey tell are the coach and journalist to help me achieve it? Bastards. To any of you reading this, I urge you to keep your eyes open for signs of 'a gay' in the person you're speaking to, and think twice before assuming they're straight - it can be really uncomfortable.

Oh yes, Darren came round - nice seeing him again. Funny man, may be going to see HG2G at the weekend. I think I'm on a tour of Knowsley tomorrow - sounds like fun, I like tours. I've been hearing many scare stories though about eating with children, and them asking you questions. Well, if they start then I'll just eat them instead. Good night!

Until next time - don't say what you're 'bout to say, no no no no!