Finally

A post! Well, it's been a wholly uneventful past few days, so I just thought I wouldn't bother putting up some inane comments. Plus the fact that I've been preparing my computer for a full blown format hasn't helped - more on that later.

So, let's start at Wednesday - cannot for the life of me remember what happened, so it looks like that was a good day then. That's actually quite worrying - a whole 24 hours disappeared. Maybe I was abducted! By aliens? Was I probed anally? Why haven't they called me since? Or at least sent flowers? Bastards.

Thursday's another blank. Well, it was pay day, so there's a memory. Still, doesn't bode well does it? I'll want these days back on my death bed. Oh hang on, I remember seeing Sally in work - I like her, she's a good-time gal. And voted Labour too - in my old school (shame I couldn't see more of it) and saw someone from work as well. What a small world. Oh look, I did remember things after all!

Friday, yes I remember you - it was Dave in work's last day. He was agency, with Hays, and only hired for a certain period of time. Apparently he was there longer than most though. I'll miss him, he always riled the women in the office into a retaliation frenzy! I signed his card though, and threw in some money for his sweety presents, so it wasn't a forgetful end. The mood was extremely confusing afterwards - well, it was all day, but more so after he'd left. I was happy as it was Friday, but sad because I wouldn't have a barrier from Yvonne from Monday. I'll have to keep her soothed from now on.

On Saturday I continued my efforts to back up all my files in preparation for the big format. Also put the second act of Taboo on for mother, as I'd sneakily watched it a few days earlier. Ended up watching the end of it with her when I'd finished going splishy-splashy in the bath. God she made me cringe with that musical - there's a song in it where it goes, 'You always knew, didn't you mother?', and my mother turned to me and said, 'I never knew though, did I? Does that make me a bad mother?'. I had to explain to her that it wasn't just about knowing your son was gay, it was about them being different and not fitting in in the world. I'll have to divulge here that awkward moment when I came out to her, but not whilst I'm trying to catch up with five days of nothing.

At last we reach Sunday - wanted to wake up early, but the body was weak and refused. Carried on with the backup - I really have too much crap on the computer. But it's just one of the prices I pay for using it as an escape mechanism. Watched the Jo Brand DVD I rented, very funny - lot's of woman jokes, but having something in common with the female population I could laugh at most of it too. It was also a day where I got two visits from Mr Melling, and a cufuffle with Mr Ellis. We'll begin with Lee - he called me from Matalan, where he was with his mum. He'd been to the Ideal Home Show and Apple Store on Saturday I think, and I joked about the 'new' Apple OS, which caused him to hang up abruptly. He later apologised in a text, saying that he was 'on', as it were - which is also what I had said to Wendy after his cutting of the conversation. I now preserve the text message here, and will make plans to have it framed.



Been getting texts from Max lately, probably because I haven't had my messenger open since I've been doing that thing that I've mentioned too many times already. He's my main online buddy ol' friend ol' pal - been speaking to him for around 6 years now and never met him once. Probably for the best, really. For him! It's quite a fascinating story of how we came to be such chatty people, full of chance encounters and crap like that - I won't tell it now though, partly to keep your interest piqued, but also because I'll just ramble on and ruin it. Best told in drips and drabs - I'll probably still bollocks it up anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, he was telling me about a new Melanie B video on the telly - I have to say it's the cheapest music video I've ever seen! And I've seen the class production I starred in when I was in school! Song's rather good, definitely a grower, but the video is just inexcusable.

Darren meanwhile was his flamboyant self, amusing us all with renditions of songs from Taboo, and how he wants to do it at some wedding thing, can't remember who's. Speaking of marriage, he also reminded me that I've been invited to his brother's engagement party on the 20th of this month. I'm already in a pickle - I joked with him that I would bring my stilleto's (A JOKE! I OWN NONE! Only flats...), and now Brenda (his mum) knows I've said it. Whatever will I do? Come up with a witty comment on that it was all just a humourous quip? Or just take the lazy way out and wear a pair? Well, I always go the lazy route... He'd sent me a rather long, confusing, but altogether raucous e-mail asking why I hadn't posted on my blog, saying mine and Lee's blogs gave him something to look forward to, and without them he has nothing to trigger his imagination. I've probably got that completely wrong, but I can't have a look at the e-mail again because of the oft-mentioned backup. Andy never came round either - his loss anyway.
Just bought my mum a new phone online - she's been using my really old Nokia 3330, which can't hold a charge at all. Sometime this week she'll have a nice shiny new 3100 that she won't be able to use at all. Mother's and technology, eh? It doesn't have a camera, but it'll do.

So here I am, faced with another week of work, and I've still got to do this bloody computer reinstallation thing! Need to tidy my corner before I begin as well! Sheesh! I'll have to come up with some topic type things to talk about when I've done bugger all, just to keep Darren happy ;). I may also touch on the creepy dreams I had, one involving a rather aerobic version of Alton Tower's Rita ride and the other a tall man, plus the strange sex musical I watched. Or I may not.

Until next time - Stoppit and Tidyup!

I Feel It... It's Coming...

Rain. Felt it on my fingertips. Heard it on my chest ribcage. The rain came down like... rain.

Where the Hell did it come from? There I was, all ready for work in the morning, and I looked out of the window. "Hmm," I pondered, "Looks like another glorious day. Bollocks. My coat - should it stay or should it go now?". I hate the sun you see - call me a vampire if you will (I wouldn't mind biting into some people's necks!), but I prefer the term 'creature of the night' (a la Taboo and Rocky Horror). Well, whenever it's nice I'd previously taken my coat, only to have it bake me alive as the sun beat down. How ironic, Alanis Morissette said, that today when I decide to leave it behind comes the mother of all rainfalls.

I can't remember the last time I've seen it rain that much in real life - it was like something from the Amazon, or Jumanji, whatever. I was sitting there in work, shitting myself as I walk home for lunch - it may only be a 10 minute walk, but 10 seconds in that and I would have been saturated! Clever me though used my cheeky powers and got my mum to meet me with her brolly and my coat - but she was planning on doing it anyway because she's a darling little treasure. The clouds only unleashed their payloads when I was walking to and from work as well, but that's okay - I loved every second of it. Except for when I was back in work, and my pants felt 10 times heavier than normal.

Had quite a relaxing evening at home - watched the first act of Taboo, the Boy George musical. I'd seen it before, Darren was very kind and brought it round once to watch, but with all the constant interruptions I couldn't hear any of it. But tonight I could, and it was fabulous. I'm saving the second act for later in the week, but I've been listening the the soundtrack since whilst I prepare my knackered PC for a full format. It's just so emotional - the soundtrack, I mean.

Ha ha, I've just realised that two thirds of this post was about the weather - am I running out of material or what? I could mention that I kept thinking today was Monday, or how evil the little runt on tonight's Bad Behaviour was, or that Barbarella's on soon, one of my favourite movies - but I won't.

Until next time - two fierce drag queens go round the outside, and in stilettos!

Wake Up Boo

Couldn't get up this morning. No, not a hangover, don't get those thankfully (dodges rotten tomatoes thrown at him by disgruntled blog readers). It was next door hammering away at ours, and I certainly wasn't going to get it. Someone had left Whisky in the garden, barking merrily away, and I'm not going to take the shit for something I didn't do. So, back to sleep I go - I know, hard life isn't it?

Strange dream though (oh no, not dreams again!). Something about red water. See, didn't go on about it this time did I?

Ooh, I started each sentence of that line with an 'S' - how queer. Speaking of those, Darren popped round today. Apparently he popped round yesterday, like he said he would, but we were all sleeping off the moonshine. But there he was now, so we made the most of it. Natter natter natter, that's what everyone else was like. As usual I totally ignored him and played on compy, watching a video of one of the worst game ever made. We got talking eventually, and the rest of the family took Sarah back to Ireland - not literally, they only went to the airport, but you know what I mean. Well, I'd be worried if you did. Had quite the many laughs with Darren again - he was looking at lots of people on profiles. Some of the guys he spoke to on Faceparty were quite tasty. Mental note - steal his logon details (or just ask him what their usernames are, whichever is easiest). Discussed more about 'that thing what Darren did', which sadly falls into the category established in Friday's post, about things that I'm not going to post here. But it was very insightful, and I came away enlightened.

Watched a bit of Scruffy today as well - which I bought from eBay quite a few weeks ago. Sarah was bored so I put it on for her, and after watching the first few minutes myself I couldn't watch any more. This film I vaguely remember with great fondness from my childhood was nothing more than an extremely poor rip off of the excellent Lady & The Tramp. Ah well, it was only £3.51.



Look - a picture! Sarah found it, God knows where, and brought it to my attention. I'm skinny! See, there was a time when I wasn't so curvaceous! I'm on the left, by the way, the one with the bad hair. I hated the hairdressers, and I'm not sure if mum could afford to constantly get it cut - it grows in seconds, trust me. Eww, it looks rather greasy too - because it was so long it would get dirty pretty quickly, which was actually a blessing as when it had just been washed it was so fluffy and bouncy. I used to get teased a lot for it in school - I should have just had it all shaved off like I do now. My old 'horny red bull head' t-shirt as well - was I making a statement? The other kid is Neil, an ex-friend of mine - can't be bothered going into it now though. Check out the brilliant TV and video machines! Those I won't miss!

Which brings me here, typing my blog away, frantically trying to get it finished so I can go to bed. I really need to start going to bed earlier - the vitamins instruction booklet recommends a good night's sleep at least once a week, which I get, but it wouldn't hurt to get more. It's a shame that I think that sleep is a waste of time when I'm busy - all that time wasted. But I've not experienced a nicer feeling than that of my bed when I'm really tired. Pathetic. Looking at that photo that Sarah found it appears I haven't slept much at all since I was young - I remember I could never get to sleep when I was a kid. Now I'm paying for it with eyes that make me look like I'm a heavy drug user! Must find out how to get rid of the blackness.

Until next time - cut and wash your hair, you hippy!

We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place

Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need someone!

Heeeeeellllllp!

Is that even a word? Ahem, yes it was the christening today. Got there half an hour early as mother dearest thought it would be best to arrive in style, in a black cab. Lo and behold, noone else was there yet, so we waited. And waited. And I can't be arsed carrying on that joke, so when everyone arrived we watched the christening. I refused to join the culty chants, for I am still a bastard child at heart who thinks it's cool not to join in in church. Ra, and all that. So that passes by, and it's time for the party bit. Oh joy!

I love my family - so much so that I always go out of my way to avoid them. Nah, some of them are okay I guess, but my word en masse is not good for my health! I spent the entire time drinking double JD and coke, moaning how I didn't want to be there, and taking sneaky pictures and videos with my camera. I also got a few more chaos emeralds and completed some more levels on Sonic 2 - I love my multi-talented phone! The room was filled with ravenous beasts too - no sooner had the buffet opened than everything had vanished, well, apart from chicken drumsticks and cake (if you're reading this Mike, wipe away the drool - keyboards and liquid don't mix). A drunken trip to Maccy's and walk home and we all sleep, apart from mother - that dirty stop out stayed for longer to consume much more inebriating liquid. I got all excited later this evening, as Lee was going to take me out for a drive, but alas he had borrowed his car out. So I had to resort to watching TV, and I kept dipping in and out of various shows, watching the first half of one, then moving on to another. Still, got through most of the original TV series of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - very dated obviously, and took a little adjusting to it, but it was entertaining for the most part. Couldn't bring myself to watch the last episode, but it'll be there on the hard drive for me in the morning. Marvelous invention, that Sky+.

In bed, and what a surprise, there's a knock at the door. It's mother, dropping all of her money on the floor and fumbling in her bag. Learnt that searching for money in a bath robe with a torch at 2am in the morning down our front path is quite liberating. I may do it more often.

Until next time - join me, won't you?

I Go Shopping, Shopping

Going to a christening tomorrow, so I needed some new threads. Went to ASDA and bought myself a shirt, ended up trying it on in what I think was the disabled changing room, but that's just me - living life to the max, totally wild and crazy Graham! Also bought lots of toiletries, none of which will improve my appearance in any way, shape or form, and bought some multi-vulti-schmulti vitamins. I've never ate the right foods, they're not always the best tasting, and I can't be arsed starting now. I can pop a pill daily, though!

Until next time - bah bah dah bah, bah bah dah bah...