What Walks Down Stairs, Alone Or In Pairs

And makes a slinkity sound?  A spring, a spring, a marvellous thing.  Everyone knows it’s Slinky!

Well, after that last post I just had to write about something fun and light-hearted.  I recently found an old Slinky I bought years ago – I think it’s a Skittles one, it’s all multi-coloured (taste the rainbow and all that crap).  Who would have thought in this age of technological marvel, and with my gadget-loving mind, something as simple as a Slinky could leave me wanting more, and make me run up and down the stairs for no other reason!  No one else seemed to be interested in my family, which I thought was very strange.  Milly shot off like a rocket when she saw it in action, and I think Bruno wanted to eat it (as usual).  Whisky sadly was nowhere to be seen, not that something like this would impress her anyway.

It was a welcome break to relieve the stress I suffered last week in work.  Monday was fine, but from then on it was relentless.  I’m surprised I survived with slivers of sanity left in me!  Every day brings me closer to a stay at Pleasant Acres.  Saturday was great – I arranged to go to Lee’s, and we laughed and talked all night long.  He seems to think I didn’t enjoy myself, but here’s something to say about it – after an incident with another friend, we went for a drive to clear the air.  Not long after I’d gotten in the car I needed to go to the toilet (damn Lee’s water!  And I mean tap water, not his literally!).  Did I say anything?  No, I was enjoying myself far too much.  My bladder could have burst right there in the car and I wouldn’t have cared, and I’ve probably reduced my future ability of getting wood, but it was worth it.  Lee probably wouldn’t have appreciated the mess though.  Or the fact that I might need Viagra in future ;)

Sunday was quiet – watched The Stepford Wives and Sky Captain, both excellent films.  Couldn’t bring myself to watch Envy – one that Lee had recommended – because I noticed Adam Sandler in it.  I’ll give it a try soon, I promise.

Today was an absolute howler in work.  A new starter called Eddie joined the flock, we all had the lights off in the back office, I actually got some work done and we called a few colleagues with hilarious consequences!  Plus it was snowing outside, but by the time I went on lunch it had all but disappeared (.  Ste’s fine, I know he hates me mentioning his name in this blog, so there it is.  I sought his advice on an iPod – I’m thinking of spending money very soon, and I knew he’d come up with an argument against that device.  Currently it’s a toss up between an iPod 5G, GameCube or DivX DVD Player.  Sorry Max, but I haven’t thought enough about a Nintendo DS, and as fun as Mario Kart sounds, I never played my GBA much, so I don’t know if handhelds are my thang.

Finally finished filming my second attempt at a film in The Movies, despite my PC crashing and me losing about half an hour of work on it.  I like the fact I was limited to making it in the 50’s – it gives it quite a look, but it’s been a long process making sure the scenes were bright enough, and coloured correctly!  Not to mention trying to make it cohesive – my first film made no sense at all, and jumped all over the place!  All it needs now is some terrible voice acting from yours truly, and it’ll be a B-move to forget!

Until next time – buy a Slinky.  They don’t crash (well, in the electronic sense) and don’t cause you to lose work!

Better Best Forgotten

What is this country thinking?  I am, of course, referring to George Best – a man made famous for no reason.  Did he cure a disease?  No.  Raise awareness for something worthwhile?  No.  Change the world for the better?  No.  Kill someone?  We’ll come back to that one in a minute.

No, ladies and gentlemen – he is famous for playing football.  A little ball filled with air, kicked around on a field by a couple of blokes who then get homoerotic in the showers afterwards.  Let’s get this straight – I don’t like football, I DETEST it!  Please can someone explain why watching an hour and a half of angry Neanderthals run aimlessly around is considered entertainment, whilst their every action is commented on by more Neanderthals?  Not forgetting of course the Neanderthals who discuss in great detail before, halfway through and after a match, all the intricacies of said actions.  It’s a corrupt business of backhanders and deals that if ever taken to court would lock a lot of people away for a long period of time.  It also promotes aggression and rivalry with rival teams, and this leads us nicely to the hooligan, a product born out of the ‘beautiful game’.  What a wretched class of beings.  Unless a footballer is very good looking, then I’m not interested in the slightest.

George Best certainly didn’t catch my interest, so I fail to understand the obsession people have with him.  Unless you’ve had your fingers in your ears you’ll know he’s dead, but why all the commotion?  As soon as the media caught wind that he was ill, they were like vultures circling wounded prey, yet praising his accomplishments.  What accomplishments?  He kicked a ball!  Big whoop!  Who gives a doodle?  Counting the minutes till his death touched a nerve with me – I never liked the man, but this was just wrong.  And what an outpour of emotion when he finally did go – grown men crying, celebrities saying what a great man he was.  Was he the saviour reborn?  No, so shut up!

Let’s take a look shall we?  Firstly, he played football – no need for idolism here.  Best British player – what a clever play on words too.  We’ve already established the insignificance of football.  Let’s move on.  Next, he was a bloody alcoholic.  Again people – AN ALCOHOLIC!  Should you see someone without the limelight he undeservedly garnered, you too would be less blinded by the lights and look on in disgust.  Drunks are disgusting, violent and need to be rehabilitated – not worshipped.  He was also Irish, fuelling a long-running stereotype that all Irish men are alcoholics – not very nice at all.  He gambled and womanised.  Yes, this truly is a role model for our children.  Here you go little Jimmy, here’s a couple of quid – go bet on a few horses and rob women of their dignity by sleeping with them and leaving them for the next one.  He was also convicted twice for drink driving, 20 years apart.  Lord knows how many times he wasn’t caught, and what damage he could have (or did) do.

The thing that really grates on me though is that he had liver failure.  Really?  You don’t say!  Serves him right.  But what happens, he gets a transplant.  This poor excuse of a man is given a second chance of life.  Don’t get me wrong,  I would have respected him if he had learned the error of his ways, and lived his life after this a bit better.  But what does he do with his brand new liver and life?  Goes out and gets drunk, and acts like a vile human being.  Well, that was great use of an organ – give it to someone who will appreciate life with every breath they take, or shove it in the waste bin that is/was George Best.  Way to go there fellas whoever made that decision.

So here we are, three days on since his death, and he’s still idolised, still making headlines and still on the TV.  When will the people of this once great country open their eyes and realise what a waste he was.

Until next time – if you’re given a second chance, use it – don’t abuse it

Breathe

I would have posted a few entries tonight but my mother has got the central heating AND fire turned on, and my sister is slowly killing herself and everyone else with a cigarette (plus she won’t shut up talking), so they will have to wait until tomorrow.  I feel itchy and can’t breathe in my precious oxygen – I need to get out of this house!

Until next time – mental note: blog a little earlier, Mr McLeod

It's A Long Way To Tipperary

Kudos to Darren for the inspiration for that title – more on that in a minute.

What’s my weekend been like (plus Friday and Monday)?  Well, quite a mix.  Friday I was in ecstasy – it was own-clothes day in work for Children In Need, and I didn’t realise what a difference it made to me in work!  I was much more chatty than usual, and a colleague told me they loved me!  Better stick with shirts and ties in future…  That night I was just in the mood to curl up in bed with the Queer As Folk DVD that LOVEFiLM had sent me – I was shattered and fell asleep.  It must have been all that blood rushing to my ‘head’.

Saturday was a bust – Wendy’s CD didn’t arrive on time for her birthday (mother had missed the first attempt at delivering it on Friday), but mother’s hi-fi came, so I decided I’d the TV corner – it’s not quite as bad as my PC corner, but it comes a close second.  That took ages but it was worth it, until the next time someone thinks it’s funny to remove one wire from the back of the equipment, then wonder why nothing works anymore.  Women – stay away from technology.  Missed bits of X Factor as well, but Sky+ recorded it.  Good thing too – apparently there was a short clip of Shayne shirtless – must check that out.  In slow-motion.

Sunday was good – Darren came round, and it was great to see him again.  I put him on my latest game, The Movies, and after a few niggles he was making a masterpiece.  It’s not as random as my first attempt was, but it has it’s moments, and he didn’t do it in the main game part (note to self – do it this way in future).  What iced the cake though were his little bits of dialogue – including the song that inspired this posts title.  I haven’t laughed that hard for a long time – probably not since I practiced Lee’s Starbucks order.

Monday, well, it was quietly hectic.  I had things to do, but didn’t get much of it done.  Computer changing, e-mail sorting, extra jobs and meetings did their part in it.  It was a good day though – I did my usual more than fair share of work, yet still noticed the entertainment that surrounded me.  Outside the fog and ice successfully made me a happy bunny, and although their repeated attempts to reduce my visibility and make me slip failed, they didn’t dishearten me.  No, the trip to ASDA with mother did that.  I haven’t had any time to work on my latest movie disaster, or blog as much as I wanted to.  Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.  I’ve been listening to a lot of Gary Barlow and Hedwig – must watch that film again soon.

Until next time – where do I go to request that good-looking guys should be banned from wearing shirts?

Mistify Me

Wow – look at that, punters! It was very misty today, and what does everyone do? MOAN! It looks cool and spooky, and everyone wants to go back to weather that has no foreboding presence. Well I hope it stays, and stays for good – it’s a really freaky situation walking down the street, and people coming suddenly out of the fog. You’re unable to see the long walk ahead, which has always depressed me. It’s as if the Earth is one big computer game, and someone has turned the viewing distance all the way down.

Until next time – avoid that man who came from the sea with the hook in his hand

Blame It On The Weatherman

Why do we still have incompetent weathermen?

In a world of increasing scientific advances and seemingly never-ending technological improvements, I fail to see how weather reporting has become far less accurate than it used to be. Only a few years ago I remember checking the forecast before venturing out into the big bad world, and it was almost always right. It’s only an educated guess, so it can’t be 100% accurate, but it sure used to be mostly on target.

Where did it all go wrong then? I know the buzz phrase on everyone’s lips – it’s all down to global warming. But is it really? The media is quick to pull that line out of the bag, but I’ve never really witnessed scientists reporting it en masse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disputing that it’s happening – but this fast? I’ve heard scientists talk more about that we’re overdue for global events, like an ice age, more than they have about global warming.

My theory? Weathermen have gotten lazy. They just don’t care anymore about what they’re supposed to do, instead deciding that things need to change. Well, they certainly have changed, and it wasn’t a good one.

It all started when they thought the dialog was outdated. Out went the phrases we all knew and couldn’t fathom at all, and dumbed them down to preschool levels. I do not need my weathermen telling me to take an umbrella outside – that’s what mums are for. After this came the weather symbols themselves. Yes, the old ones were very cartoon-like, but at least you could make them out! It’s gotten to the point now where even by going right up to the TV set doesn’t help you understanding what the Hell it means. Is that rain, sleet or fog? The latest cosmetic change is with the entire map itself. First the BBC thought it would go ‘all modern’ on us, with a tilted view of the United Kingdom, and perform a flyover during the forecast. Sounds interesting, but when you take the view from the Equator then the south of England is nice and big, but head up North and into Scotland and you can’t make anything out – the perspective makes it that much smaller. I’ll complain about the North/South divide all day long if provoked, so Beeb – don’t tempt me. Thankfully they listened to the controversy, and changed the angle somewhat. But they didn’t fix the flyover. The first time I saw it, honestly, if I suffered from motion sickness I would have vomited all over the carpet. What on Earth is going on there? This is 2005, and the animation is so jerky it looks like the early text adventure games when they introduced drawn locations. But at least we can rely on ITV? Wrong. After seeing the changes the BBC made, they went and made their own as well – dumbing down speech, changing icons and 3D flyovers all over the place. Ooh look, we’re going through the rain – I’m so impressed. GET TO THE PART ABOUT TELLING ME THE WEATHER!

Another thing – why do the weathermen always say ‘beautiful’ when the weather outside is sunny, and ‘miserable’ when it’s raining? Have you asked your audience if they like sunny weather? What about farmers – they like a bit of rain every now and then, do you hear them complaining? It’s as if they’re patronising those of us who don’t conform to their idyllic standards. Everyone’s different – a lot of people just don’t like sweltering heat non-stop. Not that there’s much chance of that kind of weather this time of year, but to hear them stating every morning that it’s cold and therefore an unhappy day, well, it really annoys me. I swear, the next time I hear someone say that I’m going to e-mail the channel and complain. Really, I am.

My biggest gripe of all though? The cop out answers that ALL weathermen give now. Every day all you hear is ‘sunny with some odd showers’ or ‘possible showers followed by bright sunny spells in some places’. WTF? Even I could’ve guessed that! We live in the UK you fools – of course there’s going to be a bit of sun and rain. Not every day though! Go back to your maps and study them again, but this time for longer than 5 seconds – and don’t come back on air until you’ve actually thought about the possible weather for that day. It’s like they’ve studied at the Nostradamus school of predicting – make lots of them, and make them as vague as possible. Leaving them completely open to interpretation and your predictions are bound to happen – because they haven’t advised of anything in particular or in great detail, then unless there’s a completely different weather outcome, people will think they’ve been informed correctly. More fool them, I guess.

Right then, let’s recap – it’s clear the recent changes didn’t work out. AT ALL. Either change them back to how the forecasts used to be, or actually think about another way to present them. After being in the business for so long, making such major cock-ups is just plain sloppiness.

Until next time – don’t forget to take your sunglasses and lotion, umbrella, coat and hairspray.

If You Buy This Biscotti Your Life Will Be Better

Starbucks. What a place. Where else could two people’s needs be fulfilled so easily? Lee, a hot coffee man, and myself, a cold frappuccino fan. A place that specialises in serving premium coffee at premium prices, but you don’t mind when the quality is that good. But when they start adding biscuits, desserts and cakes to the mix, things start to get a little ridiculous.


That, my friends, is what Lee ordered to eat on Sunday. Looks like cheesecake, and surprisingly it is. Looks like biscuit, but that’s where they’ve got you. It’s not biscuit, it’s biscotti. How much you ask? My educated guess is around £12.74 for the ‘biscuit’, and £31.96 for the cheesecake. Lee seems to think the biscotti was around 95p and the cheesecake between £2.80 and £3, but the poor dear was never very good at math, so we’ll ignore those. My estimations are far more accurate.

Biscotti. Yes, make strange Italian-sounding words, that’ll give it more flair and panache. Same with their so-called panini, and names for the sizes of coffee. Want small, regular and large? Sorry, no can do – it’s Tall, Grande and Venti. What on Earth is going on there? When was a small cup of coffee, nay, anything small, tall? Never! It’s all a conspiracy I tell you! Just yet another status symbol, like the names of the desserts to make people feel all superior and sophisticated. Shame it’s really naff when you think about it – try going in to a McDonald’s and ask for Grande fries. Or Ann Summers asking for a Venti dildo. I promise that you will feel uncomfortable (especially if you actually use it for it’s original purpose! Those fries can be quite salty).

Oh well, I suppose because of the surroundings it sort of fits in with their ethos, and in a kooky kind of way it works. Plus it provides me with never-ending amusement at my inability to order the simplest items from there – Hayley knows what I’m talking about. I have spent far too much time ballsing up the order when practising – one of these days I will be up at the counter saying ‘can I try again? I’ll get it this time’. It must never happen though, lest a repeat of the Subway incident occur. I can’t help it – if people ask do I want something, I’ll usually go along with it. That time I ended up with a submarine-sized sub, and it’d be the same with coffee!

Until next time – I like my men like I like my coffee – cold, sweet and full of cream. I think that’s how the song goes...

I Never Really Loved Them Anyway

Three words.  The.  Conway.  Sisters.  I am of course referring to ‘that Irish group’ from The X Factor – a show which left me dumbfounded on Saturday.  Of all the tripe that is currently still in the current line up, the public decide they don’t like Maria or the Conway Sisters.  Well, I applaud them for not voting for the latter, but for the former – well, I cannot forgive them.  I haven’t heard the original version of Brown Sugar, but I absolutely adored Maria’s version – I really love this song now.  And then the Conway Sisters sing Hold On – one of my favourites – and they slaughter it.  There is no excuse for that diabolical representation of a Wilson Philips classic.  But the audience cheered, and the judges stroked egos, which was a fatal flaw.  And so it was left to the idiocy of the ITV1 audience – something which has been proven far too many times to exist.

Chenai also fell victim to the votes as well, when more deserving people were ripe for the picking.  Journey South, Nicholas, and of course, the Conway Sisters.  Was it the Irish Mafia?  I seriously doubt it, but I do agree with the fact that Maria went because of were she came from.  For who had the deciding vote?  Louis Walsh – an Irish.  At every opportunity he spouts on about Irish this and Irish that.  Sure, there’s nothing wrong with praising talent from where you come from, but Louis is just in a league of his own.  Add the fact that he’s so far up Simon Cowell’s arse that it’s unhealthy, and you’ve got a wrong decision set in stone.  Don’t take my word from it – the boo’s from the crowd straight after the announcement, the media backing, and the revelations that are coming to light about the group of Corrs rejects – Maria, you’ve gotta see her…  And the Conway Sisters – you’re days are numbered.  C’est la vie.

I really shouldn’t let myself get drawn in like I do, but I can’t help it.  And what are my alternatives?  Strictly Come Dancing?  Please – quick-quick-slow, turn-turn-kick.  I don’t think so.  Go outside?  With all this bird flu business going around?  I think I’ll stay home, thank you very much.

Until next time – Beware of little leprechauns who are a little too close to people who wear high trousers.

In My Room

I suppose you’re wondering why the lack of posts on my blog (and to Darren and Lee, why I haven’t visited yours for a while).  No it’s not laziness!  Or apathy!  Or procrastination!  Or something that sounds similar!

I was tidying my room.

Let me clarify for the few who have yet to enter ma chambre.  It’s small.  Really small.  I can’t convey to you just how small it is.  Okay, I’ll try.  Stretch your arms out on both sides – imagine another hand at the end of one of yours, and that’s the width of my room.  Now, with your arms still out, this time imagine another arm at the end of one of yours – that’s the length of my room.  Told you it was small.  Add a bed, TV table and two bedside tables and it’s even smaller.  Back when I was a child it was known as the junk room – where junk was stored.  Because I have two sisters, they had to get the bigger room, and my mum had a room of her own, so I was left with that undecorated mess.  Thankfully as a young child I don’t recall having too many items (although there was a giant wardrobe which dwarfed my tiny living space).  Fast forward two years later to the current day, and I’ve got the most items that specifically belong to one person in the house.  But still, tiny room.

I let it get in such a state that I booked last Thursday and Friday off work to get it done in time for Christmas, but even after those two days and taking some time through the weekend sorting it out, there is still an awful lot to be done.  Just like was the case with my PC, I need more storage space for my bedroom – only then will I be able to have places to put things, and get them out of god damn plastic bags!  I thought beforehand that I’d sell a lot of stuff on eBay that I didn’t want, but it didn’t really turn out as I had hoped – I’m either still using or unable to sell most of the stuff, or throw it away for that matter.  How much do I have?  Well, once emptied out (minus the furniture and TV) all of my stuff in that room take up both my mother’s and sisters’ bedrooms.  I’ve got so little space that I’ve got my own corner of the living room for more of my items.  It’s that bad.

I suppose I should just accept my fate – until I am blessed with additional acres I am resigned to live in zero space, with zero storage and maximum clutter.  No wonder I only use my bedroom for sleeping and the occasional night-time television viewing.

Until next time – you will all have bigger rooms than myself, but even if you share yours with others, you are still far better off than I am.

Ch Ch Ch Chipper Day(le)

That’s right – today I felt strangely chipper!  Was it because it was a Monday?  Was it because I was on the desk with Gill, James, Linda and Phil (alphabetical order – only fair)?  Was it because I knew I’m going to be off this Thursday and Friday?  Who knows, all I do know is that it was a good thing!

Despite the day seeming very long, and the fact that a steady stream of calls came through, I enjoyed my working day today.  Late lunch as well – at home to boot, which probably added to the euphoria.

Lee’s been giving me website advice again – take one course at Uni and you’re a bloody expert!  Firstly he recommended I add a counter to my webspace – I’ve only gone and reset it yet again.  If only I spent more time actually building websites and less resetting my webspace, maybe I’d get them finished – maybe even started!  He also advised I update the external links on my blog, and make them funny to boot.  I already had this planned for yesterday actually, I just left it too late to action.  So there are now more links, and who knows what is what.  Finally he commented on my Blogger profile, where my user details had fallen to the bottom of the page.  I’ve put them in a wonderbra and you won’t believe the support it gives it!  They’re now higher and firmer than ever.  Try and shake the screen – they don’t bounce all over the place!  I think I understand why straight men like them so much now, but for slightly different reasons!

Been thinking of gifts for Christmas for my close family – haven’t got round to thinking about my close friends yet, but I will do soon.  I haven’t really ever done much for Christmas, so I want this year to be different.  Let’s get into the festive spirit – ‘tis the season!  We were discussing about putting up the decorations in work today actually – I was all for it, but the long afternoon seemed to drain some spirit so the idea never saw light.  Soon though, it will.

Spoke to someone new today on MSN.  I logged in (shock horror!) and there was a new name wanting me to add them.  I thought ‘why not’ and let them.  Turns out it’s someone that Darren’s been speaking to from Faceparty – he seems very nice.  We only have a passion for games in common at the moment, but as Paula and MC Cat say, ‘opposites attract’!  I’ll have Darren questioning me no end now to find out what was said and my thoughts – let’s see what I tell him, shall we?

Also got a rather sharp e-mail from Friends Reunited – I felt as if I was being told off by it actually.  ‘URGENT REMINDER – YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE WAITING FOR YOU!’.  No need to shout now dear.   It was from an old schooler Kathryn – she’d messaged me a while ago, but when I replied back she didn’t return the favour.  It was to do with e-mail addresses, which I thought as much.  Glad to hear she’s doing well – it’s nice to hear good news from the civil people.

Right then, dilemma – should I stay up or should I go to bed?  Well, first I’d better post on Lee’s and Darren’s blogs.  Then I’ll probably stay up for a bit of telly – only watched The Simpsons when I came home from work – then it’ll be night night from me.

Well, was it worth posting?  Perhaps?   Was it worth reading?  Perhaps not.  Maybe something more blog-worthy will happen tomorrow.  Time will tell…

Until next time – where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

Fly By

Flutter byes, eh?  Pretty little things, closely related to ugly-as-sin moths.  But now also the name of one of my favourite films.

The Butterfly Effect.  This little movie has been sitting in my LOVEFiLM queue since my sister Wendy went to see it in the cinema.  She seemed to enjoy it.  It arrived in the middle of last week, but like Lee with Saw and RHPS, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it.  Was it the fact that it sounded a bit soppy?  Was it because my sister liked it?  Or was it because the main character was played by Ashton Kutcher – the twerp from ‘That 70’s Show’?  Well, after the Bonfire Night blitz, and after watching the 2005 remake of The Amityville Horror, mother and I decided to give it a try.

Wow.  What a film.  There aren’t that many films that I have seen that keep me in awe and dig up some emotion in this hardened shell of mine (whatever).  The trailer, the synopsis, the bloody poster art do not do this film justice.  And I’ve hardly heard anyone speak of it either!  Crime!  I was sitting through this amazing piece of celluloid, literally squirming, shocked and on the edge of my seat.  And that ending!  Well, my hand was up over my mouth in sheer disbelief – I normally leave myself open to enjoy the ride, and this film clearly took me on one.  It reminds me of Donnie Darko actually, another great film.  Even though this one doesn’t deal with tangent timelines and ‘receivers’ (which also means it’s not as complex and in need of an external explanation), it still is a cleverly crafted story which should please anyone who likes that film.  Ashton’s role in it has also made me like him more – and not just because of the fact that he is shirtless in the film at some points, and makes me go phwoar (although it does help!).

As always, if I enjoy a film I will see what others thought of it online.  It currently has a score of 7.7/10 on the IMDb – very commendable – but many people criticise this score, saying it’s far too high!  Maybe they’re too simple to enjoy a film of this calibre – they seemed to shoot it down wherever they could.  But maybe they don’t like the fact that it’s ending isn’t the de facto Hollywood sap-fest that it usually is.  Apparently the theatrical release of the film had scenes cut and a completely different ending – the DVD version is the director’s cut, and from what I’ve read and seen from the deleted scenes, I’d say the director’s cut is far beyond the theatrical release.  Sure, the ending of either isn’t particularly ‘happy’, but the original ending is just so powerful and made me very emotional.  No I did not cry!  But I was gob smacked, and it got me thinking about things.  I’ve got a feeling it may creep up and haunt me every now and then – not many films do that.

Until next time – please see this film.  And writers of the sequel (yes there is a sequel – currently set for release in 2007), please make it at least as good as the first.  Difficult I know, but try!

Bang Bang...

That Hayley shot me down…

Bonfire Night – one of my favourite nights of the year since I was a child.  The fireworks, the noise, the smoky night air – I love it all.  Well, not the little shits who misuse fireworks and make dangerous fires.  I got worked up yet again on Friday morning watching GMTV and their newspaper-style journalism.  ‘Ooh look, someone’s been hurt by a firework.  It was young thugs you say?  HATE HATE HATE, BAN BAN BAN!’.  I noticed noone even mentioned the fact that he looked and sounded like said thugs, and that he was probably involved, not the helpless ‘passer-by’ they were making him out to be.  I know, I know – he could just look like one anyway.  But then I looked at his t-shirt – it had a God damn marijuana leaf on it!  He must’ve been about 10 years old, with his mum by his side – and noone mentioned it!  The cretins!!!

So there I am, all ready and set to go on Saturday.  Lee doesn’t call me though till just after 6pm to discuss going – note that the Pier Head and Sefton Park displays both start at 7pm, and they’re both a nightmare to get to regarding people.  He tries to say it’s my doing, that I never told him it was at 7pm – strange that I text him the time in the week, and he made plans with other people he knew as well.  Go figure, eh?  So we go, and have a fun time in the car – normally I don’t like queues but I didn’t mind them this time, I was too preoccupied by the fact I had noticed myself feeling very autumn-ey.  It’s happened very late this year – curse you sun!

Parking was a nightmare, but we might as well have stayed in the car – there were wet leaves on the ground, and I screamed like a little girl!  I don’t like unfirm ground beneath my feet when I can’t see them, it’s just not right!  Even though the fireworks didn’t start till late, we ended up missing most of them anyway – either because of trees or looking at the ground.  Plus little screaming shits who were flashing torches in my general direction!  If only I hadn’t forgotten to bring my pepper spray…

I didn’t even get a proper chance to speak to the additional people we met up with – Gareth, who I’ve met before, and Kim and Steven (or is it Stephen?), who ended up slipping on his arse down a very steep and slippy slope.  As he so eloquently put it, ‘women with prams and Zimmer frames, and I’m the one who slips’.  Did I go down it?  Fat chance!  I stayed put for the mere seconds the display lasted for, then had to be coaxed down a firmer part by Miss Ellis – still skidded a bit though, which I repeat Lee did not get my adrenaline going!  Just like the time in Wales and the Lake District, it was not a pleasurable experience!!!

Driving back in the car, and all was calm, all was quiet.  We got stuck in traffic on the way home, and Lee’s car decided to throw a stinky – we all thought it was the mud!  I liked the new people anyway – seem like a good choice of people.  It’d be better if we met up in more hospitable surroundings.  And even though it stands as my worst Bonfire Night so far, I still stand by what I said Lee, and you don’t have to do anything to make it up to me.  Although, ask me again in a couple of years or so – I may be gagging for it!

Until next time – prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare, and then repeat it again, again and again.

Another One Writes A Post

What is it this weekend with my friends and multiple blog posts?  Either they need to cut down (only kidding), or, more likely, I need to keep on top of them more often!  Unless they prefer to be on top – whatever, I’m easy.  I’ve got a few topics I want to cover myself actually, so let me warm up my photocopier!

Until next time – which is better – quality or quantity?

You say goodbye, and i say hello

Hello hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, i say hello.Okay then, i know why you say goodbye, but wait! I'm back! Probably only for a handful of posts as usual, but who knows? This is also my first blog by e-mail - ladies and ladies, this post is coming directly from my bed! Doesn't it make you feel all dirty inside?

Monday, eh? Halloween is the third most-celebrated holiday in this country apparently. You could have fooled me. I saw NOTHING! Come on people of Britain, turn your homes into haunted houses, your gardens into graveyards - make me spooked! I know you're all dying to compete for the best decorated house (xmas is just not enough!) so this is the perfect opportunity! Where are all the scary films as well? I went to see Saw 2 at the cinema with darren and lee - don't get me wrong, it's a great film (one scene in particular was a definite squirm moment for me) but it's not very scary. Don't even try and fob me off with the supposed recent scaries from japan, like the ring. I'm just not frightened by some hammy actor trying to look scared while the colour turns to black and white and someone beats a bloody drum. Arty farty? Yes. Keep you up at night? No. Let's set the record straight - just because the film is in another language doesn't make it great. My experience of them is as follows:

People talk. A lot. In foreign.

Meanwhile i'm missing out on all the action because i'm a) reading words at the bottom of the screen, and b) trying to make sense of the bloody thing! Poor translation is rife! Ahem - let's move on shall we?

Tuesday - don't really remember much. Went to work, paid my dues, went to bed. Next!

Wednesday - very nice mini-dream as i was snoozing this morning. Let's just say it involved someone i still have an infatuation with despite my best efforts, being without his shirt. What can i say - i'm easily pleased. Just the slightest thing can light my fire more than any amount of nudity. What is it with me breaking the pc's in my new job? I've been there three months now, and the pc i'm using just continues to make a mockery of me. I use my pc at home to do much more stuff at once, yet that isn't crashing every five minutes and crawling like a geriatric turtle. I'm not one to moan *coughs* but it really shouldn't be that bad! And i'm not exaggerating!

Had a lovely visit from the ever-welcome darren, who regailed us with his usual mix of wit, charm and song. Tried to back his phone up on my pc, but did it work? No. Note to darren - don't forget to bring round your box of tricks next time. Also learned he's getting an ipod shuffle - looks like i'm the last one to hop on to the bandwagon yet again - i'm planning to get one of my own soon. My pathetic infatuation reared it's ugly head for darren to see as well - i was sifting through what i thought was darren's backed up calendar, but it was an old one from my phone, and a certain entry stayed on the screen for what seemed like an eternity, and despite my desperate efforts mr melling saw it. I need help.

Right then, i'd better sign off - my thumbs might get tired soon, and this post has took me a lot longer to type than normal. Strangely though it's been more enjoyable to enter, but that's probably because i always send mammoth texts anyway. I'd better finish before my phone crumbles with the amount of text onscreen and all the new words i've added to the dictionary!

Until next time, always check what calendar you're looking at when friends are over

Your (Halloween) Song

It's a little bit spooky,
This coffin, inside,
I'm one of those skulls who has,
Recently died,
I don't have no body,
But, man if I did,
I'd come to your house, where you've,
No chance to live.

And you can tell every body,
This Halloween song,
I may have just killed you but,
Now that I'm done,
I hope you don't mind,
Being in the meat grind,
But I had to, I'm cursed,
How dark the afterlife is,
Here in the underworld.