Blame It On The Weatherman

Why do we still have incompetent weathermen?

In a world of increasing scientific advances and seemingly never-ending technological improvements, I fail to see how weather reporting has become far less accurate than it used to be. Only a few years ago I remember checking the forecast before venturing out into the big bad world, and it was almost always right. It’s only an educated guess, so it can’t be 100% accurate, but it sure used to be mostly on target.

Where did it all go wrong then? I know the buzz phrase on everyone’s lips – it’s all down to global warming. But is it really? The media is quick to pull that line out of the bag, but I’ve never really witnessed scientists reporting it en masse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disputing that it’s happening – but this fast? I’ve heard scientists talk more about that we’re overdue for global events, like an ice age, more than they have about global warming.

My theory? Weathermen have gotten lazy. They just don’t care anymore about what they’re supposed to do, instead deciding that things need to change. Well, they certainly have changed, and it wasn’t a good one.

It all started when they thought the dialog was outdated. Out went the phrases we all knew and couldn’t fathom at all, and dumbed them down to preschool levels. I do not need my weathermen telling me to take an umbrella outside – that’s what mums are for. After this came the weather symbols themselves. Yes, the old ones were very cartoon-like, but at least you could make them out! It’s gotten to the point now where even by going right up to the TV set doesn’t help you understanding what the Hell it means. Is that rain, sleet or fog? The latest cosmetic change is with the entire map itself. First the BBC thought it would go ‘all modern’ on us, with a tilted view of the United Kingdom, and perform a flyover during the forecast. Sounds interesting, but when you take the view from the Equator then the south of England is nice and big, but head up North and into Scotland and you can’t make anything out – the perspective makes it that much smaller. I’ll complain about the North/South divide all day long if provoked, so Beeb – don’t tempt me. Thankfully they listened to the controversy, and changed the angle somewhat. But they didn’t fix the flyover. The first time I saw it, honestly, if I suffered from motion sickness I would have vomited all over the carpet. What on Earth is going on there? This is 2005, and the animation is so jerky it looks like the early text adventure games when they introduced drawn locations. But at least we can rely on ITV? Wrong. After seeing the changes the BBC made, they went and made their own as well – dumbing down speech, changing icons and 3D flyovers all over the place. Ooh look, we’re going through the rain – I’m so impressed. GET TO THE PART ABOUT TELLING ME THE WEATHER!

Another thing – why do the weathermen always say ‘beautiful’ when the weather outside is sunny, and ‘miserable’ when it’s raining? Have you asked your audience if they like sunny weather? What about farmers – they like a bit of rain every now and then, do you hear them complaining? It’s as if they’re patronising those of us who don’t conform to their idyllic standards. Everyone’s different – a lot of people just don’t like sweltering heat non-stop. Not that there’s much chance of that kind of weather this time of year, but to hear them stating every morning that it’s cold and therefore an unhappy day, well, it really annoys me. I swear, the next time I hear someone say that I’m going to e-mail the channel and complain. Really, I am.

My biggest gripe of all though? The cop out answers that ALL weathermen give now. Every day all you hear is ‘sunny with some odd showers’ or ‘possible showers followed by bright sunny spells in some places’. WTF? Even I could’ve guessed that! We live in the UK you fools – of course there’s going to be a bit of sun and rain. Not every day though! Go back to your maps and study them again, but this time for longer than 5 seconds – and don’t come back on air until you’ve actually thought about the possible weather for that day. It’s like they’ve studied at the Nostradamus school of predicting – make lots of them, and make them as vague as possible. Leaving them completely open to interpretation and your predictions are bound to happen – because they haven’t advised of anything in particular or in great detail, then unless there’s a completely different weather outcome, people will think they’ve been informed correctly. More fool them, I guess.

Right then, let’s recap – it’s clear the recent changes didn’t work out. AT ALL. Either change them back to how the forecasts used to be, or actually think about another way to present them. After being in the business for so long, making such major cock-ups is just plain sloppiness.

Until next time – don’t forget to take your sunglasses and lotion, umbrella, coat and hairspray.